


the one where it gets complicated

by angryjane



Series: The Ones Where People Find Out [6]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Crack, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Magic, Panic Attacks, Protective Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Yeah that's right, going off, the girls are back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 08:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18568084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angryjane/pseuds/angryjane
Summary: hi. so.i'm sorry.i don't know what happened.... it was supposed to be crack with his friends and it got... weird. i'm sorry.here, i guess.





	the one where it gets complicated

**Author's Note:**

> hi. so.   
> i'm sorry.  
> i don't know what happened.... it was supposed to be crack with his friends and it got... weird. i'm sorry.  
> here, i guess.

“So, Si, tell us more about Basil.”

Rue is leaning over the table, pointing her spoon at Simon accusingly. He and the girls are at a fro-yo shop a few blocks from campus, chatting idly and eating entirely too much candy.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, running a hand through his hair. He knew this’d happen sooner or later; he’d done so well avoiding it until now.

“Um. What do you want to know?” he asks apprehensively, not meeting any of their eyes. Bella snorts, pulling her braids back into a bun.

“Please, Simon. Tell us about him.” She lays a hand on the table for emphasis, jutting her chin out at him and smirking. “Everything.”

Lou nods her head beside him, smiling sweetly. She’s so nice; he wonders how she got involved with these other two.

“Well, he’s… tall. And. Pale. Uh.”

“Simon, we’ve seen him. I mean what he’s like as a person.” Rue pushes, chin resting on her palms.

“Oh, right.” Simon scratches the back of his head nervously. What do people say about their boyfriends? Was he supposed to talk about their sex life? He didn’t really want to do that. Maybe he should just talk about Baz’s personality? Or something? “He’s really posh. A real git. But he’s secretly a softie. He uses this really fancy soap that smells so fucking good, and he smiles at me when he thinks I’m not looking, and he burned the pot last time he tried to make tea because he was busy reading something and forgot about it, and—“ He’s rambling now, hands waving wildly as he recalls. “Penny says we spend too much time together, but she doesn’t mean it. He’s really nice in the mornings, before he remembers to be an asshole. He’s like, really cuddly too, but don’t tell him I told you, or he’ll bite me in my sleep or something.” Simon huffs, grinning a little. Baz’d never bite him in any context (except a sexy one).

Lou giggles. “Sounds like you really like him.”

“I—yeah.”

“That’s so cute!” Rue gushes, taking another bite of her yogurt.

“Can we meet him?”

Simon turns his head to look at Bella. “ _No._ ”

“Simon, please?”

“Yeah, come on! I want to be friends with plant boy!” Lou’s pulling the puppy dog eyes now. Oh god. Why were these girls his friends? How’d it come to this?

“Again, not a plant!” Simon replies. “Besides, you’ve met him, remember? When he came to get me?”

“Yeah, but we didn’t get to see you two being cute!” Rue objects, pointing the spoon again. It would be menacing, if she weren’t only four-eight. “Si, come on!”

He looks between them all, at their pleading faces, and sighs. “Fine.”

Lou squeals.

 

 

They’re late.

Typical.

Simon had told Penny and Baz they’d be here an hour ago, and they weren’t. Here. Yet.

“Are you sure they’ve got the right time?” Penny asks, adjusting her glasses. The three of them were in the living room, the take out ordered but unopened. Baz snorted from behind his phone screen.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Simon huffs. “I told them tonight at six, and I texted them to remind them and everything!”

Penny just shrugs, “It’s something you’d do.”

“Typical Snow.” Baz agrees, raising a cocky eyebrow at him.

Simon rolls his eyes and makes to retort, but there’s a knock at the door. He springs

from the couch, stumbling over to the door and yanking it open.

Bella, Rue, and Lou are on the other side, out of breath from the stairs but smiling.

“Hi! Sorry we’re late, so sorry, but Rue had to pee so we stopped in at the bookstore because they have a Starbucks with a bathroom, and we ended up wandering around, and then we—“

“It’s fine,” Simon cut Bella off, moving so they could enter, “Just come in.”

“Mm, nice place,” Lou comments, taking her coat off. It’s soaked.

“More importantly, nice _boyfriend_ ,” Bella laughs, eying Baz. He gives her a flat look, and she giggles.

“You guys like Pad Thai?” Penny asks, tucking her book away and swinging her legs down off the arm of her chair to face them fully.

“Yeah, sounds great!” Lou says, taking a seat on the floor, back against the leg of the couch, “You must be Penny! Simon talks about you all the time!”

“That’s me.”

“You know who he _doesn’t_ talk much about?” Rue says, leaning against Lou, “Basil.”

“Just Baz is fine.” Baz pipes up, his first time speaking since they got here. He stretches, then curls an arm around Simon, who flushes. Lou giggles again.

“Mm.” Bella hums, digging into her food, “So, _Baz_ , tell us about yourself.”

Baz raises an eyebrow. “What do you want to know? My pedigree? Blood type? Favorite color? Kinks?”

Simon smacks him and he smirks, tightening his grip around his boyfriend.

“How about you start with—“ Bella starts, but is cut off when Lou throws her spoon down, sitting up straight, arms coming out in a halting movement. She smacks Rue, who grumbles, moving away.

“Oh wait! The other night, you said your full name is Basilton Tycoon or something right?”

“Tyrannus, but go off.”

“Oh, my god. That’s so…” Rue begins, but stops, reaching into her backpack and pulling out a book. “You gotta see this. We got sidetracked at the bookstore and we found _this_. Si, look!” She points at the cover emphatically. It’s a children’s book, brightly colored and glossy. “The main character has the _exact_ same name as you, Simon Snow! And he looks kinda like you, except with wings and a tail!”

Penny chokes, and Baz goes stiff. Simon’s flushed to hi sears now. “W-What?”

“Yeah!” Lou pipes up, grinning, “And get this! He’s got a friend, a _boyfriend,_ with a name like Baz’s!”

Penny, Baz, and Simon exchange a glance.

“Hey, could I see that for a sec—“ Penny starts, reaching over, but Bella swipes it out of Rue’s hands and stands up out of the way.

“How about we have story time instead?” Baz snorts, and she glares good-naturedly. “C’mon, it’ll be fun! Like we’re in kindergarten again!”

Lou claps her hands together, “Yeah! I wanna know about this fake Simon!”

Penny sighs, slumping back into her chair. This is probably a bad idea.

“Ahem.” Bella starts, clearing her throat, but Simon holds up a hand.

Wait wait,” He says solemnly, “If we’re doing this, we’re doing this right.” He turns to Penny and Baz. “Sit on the floor.”

“No, Snow.” Baz says flatly.

“Please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No, Snow.”

“But Baz!” He sticks his lip out, pouting at his boyfriend.

Baz gives him a look, but slides wordlessly to the floor.

“Ha! Victory!” Simon giggles, falling beside him.

“Okay, here we go.” Bella starts again, “It’s called _Simon Snow and the Insidious Humdrum._ ”

“Oh my god,” Penny says under her breath.

“It’s by some American chick named Agatha Wellbelove.”

Simon coughs. “What the fuck?”

“Weird name.” Rue comments, leaning back into Lou.

“It’s a cool name! Like,” Lou puts a finger on her chin, “If your last name was literally ‘Wellbelove,’ than you’d be… well-beloved.” She giggles, and Rue pokes her nose.

“Dork.”

“Hey!” Bella cries, poking them with her foot, “I’m the teacher here; kiddos be quiet while I speak. Or you’ll get time-out.”

“Oh no!” Lou sighs, and she means it.   
“ _Simon Snow and the Insidious Humdrum_ ,” Bella repeats, then opens the book. “ _Dedicated to the real Chosen One. I’ll always love you._ ”

Baz is glaring daggers through the floor.

“ _I’m glad you’re someone’s chosen one after all, even if it wasn’t mine._ Aw that’s sweet.” She turns the page.

“ _Simon Snow was the worst Chosen One to ever be chosen.”_ The book began.

Simon huffed and whined, “I resent that,”

“Hush,” Penny said, “I wanna hear this.”

_“He was no good at magic when he wanted t be, but he was destined to save the magickal world. He was foretold by every oracle for all of magickal history—‘One will save us all.’ He went to the best magic school in the world, yet he couldn’t figure out his spellwork. Sometimes, though, he couldn’t control his power. He had too much.”_ Bella snorted, “Sounds like a load of baloney.” She turned the page.

“ _Simon had a really smart best friend named Patty and a beautiful girlfriend named Agatha,”_ Penny grumbled under her breath at that, elbowing Simon. _“He shared a room with a mean boy named Tyranny Basil Grimm-Bitch.”_

Baz scoffed. “Can you believe this? I’m going to kill her.”

Simon was laughing though. “Grimm- _Bitch_! That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!” He wheezed. Baz rolled his eyes.

“Ahem! The teacher is speaking!” Bella called, glaring. They shut up, and she continued, “ _Simon and Basil did not get along very well. They fought and fought, but Basil had a big secret: he was in love with Simon.”_

“Ooh, how romantic!’ Lou cooed.

“ _Simon went on many missions and fought many monsters. He had a sword and used magic to save people and fight the dark creatures that had been sent after him by an evildoer named the Insidious Humdrum._

_“The leader of the magickal world was named the Mage. He had a silly mustache and wore a cape around. He looked a lot like Robin Hood._

_“He also wasn’t very nice to Simon. He neglected him. The Mage had a secret too: he was Simon’s father.”_

“What?”

Bella paused, looking over to Simon in concern. He was sitting straight up, eyes wide.

“Si?”

“What did it say?” He repeated, leaning forward, face flushed. Baz put an arm around his waist again in comfort. Penny reached over and grabbed his hand.

“Uh, _the Mage had a secret too: he was Simon’s father,_ ” Bella read, “ _He’d had him with a lovely woman named Lucy Salisbury, then abandoned him in shame when Lucy died. Simon did not know the Mage was his father.”_

Simon was quiet a minute, shoulders tense and shaking. If Baz didn’t know better, he’d say he was about to go off.

Lou, oblivious as ever, prodded, “What’s it say next?”

Bella read on, and Baz leaned into Simon’s neck, whispering against his skin, “We’ll figure it out later. Just enjoy this. We’ll figure it out, love. We always do.”

“Baz,” Simon breathed, “He was my—and I—“

“No, Simon. You didn’t. We’ve been over this. It’s not your fault. Simon, love, calm down.” Simon was breathing heavy, biting his lip to keep the tears at bay, and baz kissed his temple. “It’s alright, breathe, love.”

“Uh, Si?” Bella asked, halting her reading again. The others all turned to him. “You okay?”

“I- I need some water.” Simon mumbled, getting up and moving towards the kitchen, Baz following. “Go on without me.”

He pushed in to the kitchen and leaned heavily against the counter. Immediately Baz was at his side, arms wrapping around him once again. He pressed a kiss into his curls, murmuring against him, “It’s alright, love.”

“Baz, he was my _dad_ ,” Simon choked out, the tears coming freely now, “And I didn’t know it. Would it have been different if he had?”

“I don’t think so, love.”

“He—He _knew_ and he- he gave me up, and then he took me back but he _didn’t_ and- how could he _do_ that, Baz? How could he-“

Simon was warm. He was always warm, but this was off. He was too hot,, his hands shook, the was crying, his hair stood bright against his pulsing skin, and Baz pulled back to look at him and-

“Bunce! Get in here! Now!” Baz cried.

In a second, penny was stumbling in, glasses askew. “What—oh my god.”

Simon was crying still, eyes twisted shut, and there was that green smoky scent in the air, and Baz felt bad for missing it. For missing that burning smell that stuck to Simon and leaked into his dreams and fantasies. Like trees and dust and sea salt and honey and _fire_.

“Simon, I need you to calm down.” Penny was saying, reaching for his hand. She pulled back at touching his skin, as if burned.

“No, wait.” Baz said, turning to Penny. “Maybe this is what he needs. To go off.” Bunce was looking at him as if he’d grown another head, but he pushed on, “Maybe he needs this to come back. To let it out. To-“

Simon let out a sob.

Penny gulped, the saddest look Baz had ever seen on her face. “Fine,” She sighed.

Baz reached for him again, wrapping his arms around him. He was hot, like fire, but it still didn’t burn.

“Love… Simon. Let it out. It’s alright.” He cooed into his hair, holding on tighter.

“N-no.” Simon whimpered, “It’ll hurt you. And everything. I-I can’t.”

“You can, love. Come on. For me?”

He went off.

Baz had seen it before, but never felt it. It felt like a supernova, or a bomb. He felt it seeping into his skin and through his eye sockets and ears and nose and mouth and through every pore, and he closed his eyes, arms still around his quaking boyfriend, who only sobbed as if in relief, and-

It stopped.

It was quiet, except for the sound of Bella reading the book in the other room, and Lou’s giggles. The coffeepot rattled in its holder, then was still. Simon was still shaking.

Baz felt full, for the first time in his life, maybe.

“…Si?” Penny asked quietly. “You okay?”

Simon nodded weakly into his chest.

“And you, Basil?”

“Just balmy.”

“…I ‘m gonna leave you two alone.”

She left, and it was just Baz and Simon. He pulled Simon to the floor and into his lap, rocking back and forth the slightest.

“It’s alright, love.”

“I—I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

 

By the time they came out of the kitchen, tears dried and with tea, the book was almost finished.

“ _And they lived happily ever after. Simon Snow may not have been the worst Chosen One after all.”_

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ....yeah. 
> 
> i really don't know how i feel about this, so comments would be lovely.
> 
> we'll be back to our regularly scheduled happy-go-lucky fics soon!!! i'm gonna finish the penny one and then do another with baz's family. if u have suggestions for other additions to the series, let me know!!!
> 
> i'm love u
> 
> get a little closer, let fold  
> cut open my sternum, and pull  
> my little ribs around you! the rungs of me be under, under you <3


End file.
